Carefully she moves…not wanting to wake him. She can still smell the alcohol seeping from his pores mixed with the cheap perfume from whomever he's been fucking lately. "Son-of-a-bitch! So tired of all your shit," she says quietly to herself. Tip-toeing into the closet she pulls all her clothes into her Louis Vuitton Luggage. Grabs her Manolos & Pradas. Grabs her diamonds and even her wedding ring. "I earned this," she says to herself. "BEEEEP-BEEEP!!" 4:45 a.m. and the horn from the taxi outside on the curb slices through her attempts at secrecy. "Damn-it told his ass I'd be down and NOT to blow the horn."
She peeks around the door frame, checking to make sure the excuse of a man has not been brought back into the land of the conscious. "Good, still out like a light." She has been putting up with all the, "I'll change" speeches she can handle from him over the last few months. Fast women and liquor seem to be all he has cared about since his father passed a bit more than a year ago. He has put his hands on her for the last time. "Punk-ass, I hope I never see your trifling ass again!" as she sneaks out of the 2 story brownstone in renovated Harlem .
This place has been home to her greatest happiness and simultaneously the darkest hours of her life for the last 4 years. The birth and subsequent passing of her only child, their only child, Brianna Marie. SIDS took her at 7 months old. Jamal was so connected, so supportive at during that time. The post-partum depression was just starting to wane when the star of her life passed into the arms of the Lord. She cursed Him for taking her away. Still hasn't quite come to terms with Him over that fateful night 2 years ago. Jamal was close to the edge after losing her but since the sudden death of his father shortly after losing Brianna, he has never been able to bounce back. Refused counseling, refused to admit that there was even a problem. Black men seem to believe that admitting they need help speaks to a weakness or deficiency in the size of their dick.
Silently as she can she travels down the steps of what will no longer be her place of residence. She looks back at the place that she used to call her sanctuary. Still conflicted she said, "I can't do it anymore Jamal…" as she set her wedding ring and her set of keys on the console table and quietly closed the foyer door behind her. Tears flowed down her cheeks as she crossed the threshold and dragged her bags down the last of the steps to the curb. "You alright Ma'am," as the cab driver helped her with her luggage. "Yes I'm fine. Please take me to the Westin at LaGuardia Airport
A cool wind blew down 125th Street and a chill soared through her, down to the bone. Another look up at the darkened window, and she wonders silently, " Can I really do this?" With a deep breath she knows that a part of her will always be here. New York City
She pulls her collar of her coat closed and tries to push the pain from last 2 years from her memory. Desperately she wants to live in the laughter filled days of yesterday spent with Jamal. He is her family. Was her family. She pulled her cell phone out, pushed the number 2 and hit send. Just after the first ring, "Hey baby…are you okay?" "Yes, I'm fine…, I'll be landing at Dulles tomorrow afternoon…can you pick me up?" The seductive baritone voice on the other end responded, "Of course…it's about time. I love you Pilar." As she closed the door of the cab and sat down, "I know, I just had to be sure… I will see you tomorrow."
..to be continued
Copyright © PureRenaissance 2007
No comments:
Post a Comment